This generation

​The thing about being a 20 year old looking for love on this generation is a disaster. Nobody believes in soulmates, fidelity, communication and trust. They all want to be stone cold hearted. “Play the game,” as they like to say. Me, I just want something real. It seems more of, “oh I got into her pants first.” Type of thing. As a child, I’ve always wanted my own family, since mine was broken. From abusive horrible father, divorced parents then my father fell off the face of the earth and got a new family. I guess in a way I’ve always wanted what I never had. In the past I’ve felt like I had that at one point, but he hurt me countless times. (Mentally, emotionally and even physically.) You could say he broke my perspective on love and relationships. Too much has happened with him. Now, I’m in a relationship and I believe to be in love with him. The thing is I recently decided to sleep with him and a few days later he’s gone missing. (Wouldn’t be the first time someone has left me like that.) In a way I feel insecure and used, but I’m trying to remain happy and positive as I can be. I’ve never really experienced being treated right in a relationship. I’ve been one to put forth the effort while it seemed the other was along for the ride. I want things to be real. A bond/connection that’s indescribable, but at the same time unbreakable. I want a lifetime partner and I hope to have that one day. Right now I’m losing hope in my missing partner…. Do I just go or do I wait and see? I hope the future holds a special happy ending for me. I’m a little tired of putting my energy into the ones who walk all over me. Am I better off alone?

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